Are these nine lies the only lies women tell themselves? Let's take a close look at them.
Lie #1: A Christian man must be God’s best choice of a mate for me.
First of all, just because a man calls himself a Christian doesn’t mean a thing about his spiritual condition. Hitler probably professed to be a nice guy. What really shows a man’s faith is action—not trying to get you into bed until you are both wearing a ring; initiating his own personal relationship with God and encouraging yours as well; and especially holding his feelings back in the relationship to allow God to lead. God’s choice of a mate for you is going to be a godly man, and if you listen, God will tell you through an active prayer life and the counsel of other godly influences whether this is the one He has picked out for you.
Lie #2: If it feels right, it is right.
Feelings are unreliable. Don’t trust them, especially when it comes to spiritual matters. Feelings change day by day, and they can lie to you. Women who rely on them to make important decisions are going to be extremely disappointed, making one mistake after another. The decision must be made objectively and prayerfully. Sexual sin in the relationship will cloud objectivity and good judgment.
Lie #3: I can overlook a few character problems (a.k.a. red flags)—no one is perfect.
If a man has glaring character defects, it is likely that he is not teachable. Teach-ability is the number one character trait you should look for in a potential mate. I am not talking about normal struggles or mistakes, but habit pattern sins or dysfunctions that control their lives and that they are not open and contrite about. If a man is teachable, he will humbly listen to God and to his future wife when making decisions. He will be willing to work at his future marriage.
Lie #4: I really know him after spending so much time talking to him.
Phone and heart-to-heart conversations are no substitute for real life situations. He can tell you anything you want to hear while hiding behind a phone. But get him with his family, or behind a rude driver, or at a restaurant getting poor service, and then you begin to see what kind of a person he really is. A wise woman will wait it out awhile to observe his responses in every possible difficult and awkward situation.
Lie #5: He always tells me the truth.
If you think that then you don’t know most men in this world. Most men are very good at telling women what they want to hear in order to get what they want—sex. Pressure for sex from a “Christian man” should be the number one indicator of a dishonest man with underlying bad intentions and hidden motives.
Lie #6: Coincidences are a sign from God.
Satan, the master liar and counterfeiter, is cooking up coincidences to get you off track, so beware! He doesn’t want you to wait for God’s best. He wants to handicap your services for the Kingdom by getting you to settle for a miserable and empty marriage. Ask for godly counsel from objective bystanders, pray hard, and stay intent upon God’s will and not your own.
Lie #7: It’s normal for him to pressure me for sex. That’s just how men are.
True godly men live to please God and not their own selfish desires. They honor women as the treasure they are, treating them with absolute purity as Jesus would have done. They care more about the purity of their Christian sisters than a quick thrill for the moment. Sex before marriage is a sin and if a guy is pressuring, he doesn’t care about what God thinks and he doesn’t care about you either.
Lie #8: There are many quality romantic perfect men out there, just like in the movies.
Women have so filled their minds (and hearts) with Hollywood ideals about men, two tragedies have resulted. First, no man could ever live up to that fictitious standard so they are unfairly compared and criticized. Secondly, a woman in the beginning stages of a relationship can tend to fill in missing information about a man with imagined ideals before she even knows him. She ends up “falling in love” with an idea, not a person. When the man begins to show signs of human weakness, she is disappointed but holds onto the relationship hoping the man she first imagined will return. The few real quality men out there are the ones who are living to please God. You will need God’s help to find them.
Lie #9: When I find a man and get married, I will finally feel happy and complete.
If that’s true, why are so many women getting divorced (or wishing they were)? Why do Hollywood stars ditch beauties for someone else? The truth is, you will only feel happy and complete when you let God be your first love. No man—especially one who is not God’s best for you—will even come close. When the excitement wears off (and it will), you will feel more alone than when you were single. By telling yourself the truth, you have every chance to find the very best man that God wants to give you.
My dear sisters in Christ, there is no such thing as only nine lies women tell themselves, there’s many, many more and with God on your side, they can all be revealed. Many of my dear sisters in Christ out there throughout the world are victims of lies that have caused them to have low self esteem and suffer from it so much so that some sadly induce sleep (suicide).
My dear sisters, WAKE UP!
Listen to me and listen closely.
You are a child of a God who does not lie or make mistakes; therefore you are more than good enough, you were never Worthless or a Failure, you can forgive yourself as well as the Person Who Hurt You. You can help yourself because God has never stopped loving you. Girl, with God, life is never hopeless or worthless. God was not punishing you, you were doing that to yourself by believing the devils lies about your self worth. The devils ultimate goal is to steal, kill and destroy your testimony, your life and your faith in God. The devil is the father of all lies and liars and he attacks with relentless pursuit until you resist him, then and only then, he will flee. Many of my dear sisters in Christ are even going as far as believing the lie that they are not good enough to be a Christians. Be and stay encouraged and fall deeply in love with the best man life offers. His name is Jesus. He will never let you down. As a matter of fact he may even find Mr. Right for you if only you would ask him. Trust me, He’s never failed. Amen.
Giving honor to my dear sister in Christ who is an inspirational Christian speaker, writer, and author, Julie Ferwerda. The “Nine Lies Women Tell Themselves About Men” was written by her along with many, many more wonderful and inspirational writings.
Thank you sister Julie Ferwerda, for being such a blessing.
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About Me
- J.A. Vazquez
- I'm just, a nobody, trying to tell everybody, about Somebody who can save anybody. First I want to give love to the Father for giving me the opportunity to be an instrument for him to live in and live through for the glory that belongs to only him and Him alone. I served in the United States Navy for twenty one years and retired September 2003. During the last 3 years of my naval career, I served as co-pastor of Greater New Refuge COGIC in Fallon, Nevada under the tutelage of Pastor Gregory L. Brown. While there, I diligently served my pastor and church with the construction of a new sanctuary, and caring for the needs of all ministries, while simultaneously striving to stay focused on the mandate that the Lord had placed upon my life to preach the Word of God without compromise. I was licensed to preach November 2002 and Ordained June 2003. While stationed in Virginia Beach, Virginia, I proudly served and as constituent of Pleasant Grove Baptist Church for seventeen years under the leadership of Bishop Elect W. D. Scott, Sr. and presently serve under the leadership of Bishop B. Courtney McBath at Calvary Revival Church in Norfolk, Virginia.
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