Sometimes, saying “Sorry” isn’t enough.
There is an immature and foolish belief held among many that apologizing gets us off the hook — we can simply wipe our hands of the offence and move on.
The truth is that it doesn’t work that way because “bandaids don’t fix bullet holes.” (Taylor Swift – Bad Blood) It’s not about how things look – it’s about how things are. When people are wounded, the pain is deep, the offence lingers and the walls go up.
I once heard someone apologize to a loved one by saying, “I’m so sorry that I’m both the umbrella and the rain.” What a poetic way to express the reality that relationships are complicated.
Apologizing is a good start when you have offended someone or someone has offended you. However, a trite or even an authentic-sounding apology made for the purpose of abruptly stopping the interaction and/or steering away from much needed further conversation doesn’t suffice or bring healthy closure to a conflict.
“It’s OK” is often not an adequate response to an apology.
“I’m sorry” are powerful words and when spoken with genuine and meaningful intent, they can herald a conversation that moves two people towards change. An apology makes resolution a safer place to go but it’s what you do after the apology that truly counts.
To mean it means you’ll do something about it.
“I’m sorry. It’s my fault. What can I do to make it right?” is a better way to go because this apology admits fault, takes responsibility AND asks for feedback.
Sometimes, we need help. We can be genuinely sorry but be absolutely crippled when it comes to the next step. Inward reflection for a time is always a good thing but ultimately, conversation and action are on the other end of an apology.
With an apology, there is unleashing of pride.
With forgiveness, there is grace.
With conversation, there is intent to understand.
With Christ, there is always hope and love. So, say “Sorry” and keep talking.
Let’s keep on pursuing those things that bring peace and that lead to building up one another. Romans 14.19
