Scripture Text: Proverbs 27:17 (KJV)
"Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend."
Introduction: Saints, today I want to speak to you about a topic we often shy away from—conflict. We don’t like to talk about it, we don’t like to experience it, and, in many families, we do everything in our power to avoid it. But let me tell you something—avoiding conflict doesn’t make it disappear. It only pushes it down, plants it in the heart, where it grows into something toxic. Show me a family that avoids conflict, and I’ll show you adult children who struggle to set boundaries, who avoid the hard conversations, who carry brokenness that was never healed. God wants more for His children. He wants us to live free, whole, and healed, not in families that brush issues under the rug but in families that know how to confront, forgive, and rebuild.
Point 1: The Power of Healthy Conflict Conflict, saints, is not the enemy! In fact, it is an opportunity! The Word of God says, "Iron sharpens iron." How does iron sharpen iron? Not by lying still, not by staying quiet, not by avoiding friction—but by coming together, facing each other, and rubbing against each other until they sharpen one another. That’s what healthy conflict does! It refines us, matures us, and brings us closer. When we teach our children that conflict is not to be avoided but to be handled with wisdom, we prepare them for a world that will surely test them. Because let me tell you, life will bring storms, misunderstandings, and tension. And we cannot send them out unprepared.
If we shield them from conflict, they’ll grow up to believe that harmony means silence, that love means not addressing issues. But love, real love, knows how to face the hard things. Jesus, our Savior, the Prince of Peace, had hard conversations. He wasn’t afraid to confront, to speak truth, and to draw boundaries. And we must do the same if we want to raise a generation that knows how to heal, not just hurt.
Point 2: The Importance of Rupture and Repair Now, saints, let me tell you about something powerful—rupture and repair. In every relationship, there will be moments of rupture. That’s natural! But it’s not the rupture that defines us; it’s the repair. When we model repair, we’re teaching our children that mistakes can be mended, that apologies can heal, and that love covers a multitude of sins. If we teach them only to avoid rupture, they grow up with no roadmap for repair.
Some of us were raised in homes where the fight happened and then—silence. Days, weeks, even months would go by with no repair. And some of you know what that silence did to your soul. But I came to tell you today that God wants more for you and your family! When we model repair, we show our children that love is resilient, that relationships can withstand storms. We’re teaching them that they don’t have to walk away from every person that hurts them, that they can work things out, and that forgiveness is stronger than offense. God is calling us to show the next generation the beauty of reconciliation.
Point 3: Boundaries Are a Gift from God And let me say something about boundaries. Boundaries are not rejection; they are protection! When we raise children to believe that setting boundaries means being unkind, we raise them to live lives of resentment and frustration. But boundaries are God-given. Jesus set boundaries, and we are called to do the same. He knew when to step away, when to pull back, and when to be alone. And He also knew when to speak truth, even when it wasn’t easy to hear.
A family that avoids conflict is a family that raises children without boundaries, children who say “yes” when they should say “no,” children who carry burdens that aren’t theirs to carry, children who think love means self-sacrifice to the point of losing themselves. But God calls us to love others as we love ourselves. That means we must first know ourselves, protect our peace, and set boundaries that honor who God created us to be. We must teach our children that it’s okay to say “no,” that it’s okay to guard their hearts, and that they can love deeply without losing themselves.
Conclusion: Embracing a Legacy of Wholeness Saints, I came to tell you that it’s time to break the cycle. It’s time to raise a generation that doesn’t run from conflict but knows how to face it, that doesn’t avoid the hard conversations but speaks truth in love. God has called us to be peacemakers, not peacekeepers! A peacekeeper avoids, stays silent, and allows the issues to fester. But a peacemaker steps into the storm, ready to confront, ready to repair, and ready to heal. We are called to model this in our families.
Let us not send our children into the world with wounds we left unaddressed, with boundaries we never taught them to set. Let us show them the power of rupture and repair, the strength of healthy conflict, and the peace that comes from boundaries rooted in love.
Today, I challenge each of us to start the work in our own homes, to model reconciliation, to teach our children that real love sometimes means having the hard conversations. And when we do, we are setting them up to be a generation that heals, a generation that builds stronger relationships, and a generation that lives whole and free.
May God give us the courage to face the hard things, the wisdom to teach our children well, and the strength to leave them a legacy of wholeness. Amen.
Eιɖεર Dરε
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