SIX REASONS WHY MEN LEAVE

I’m a true believer in that any relationship without God will not work. A right relationship with God leads to right relationships with fellow believers. Although we will not always feel loving toward all other believers, we must pursue peace as we become more Christ-like. The Bible says in 1 John 4:20, “If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?” My dear brothers and sisters in Christ, this single verse tells it all. Broken relationships can hinder our relationship with God. If we have a problem or grievance with a friend, we should resolve the problem as soon as possible. We are hypocrites if we claim to love God while we hate others. Our attitudes toward others reflect our relationship with God.

After a relationship ends, whether it's a 20 year marriage or a promising romance, women ask themselves over and over, what went wrong? They ask themselves, their girlfriends and their therapists. Sometimes they even spend weeks and months blaming themselves and become afraid to try again. Once they know what really happened, it's always easier to move on.

Below are some top reasons men leave and some guidelines on how to handle this.

1. THEY'RE WAITING FOR THE PERFECT PARTNER:

Some men have a secret fantasy which whispers that a perfect partner is somewhere, around the corner, waiting for him. This perfect partner will not only accept him as he is fully, but he'll finally be able to express the parts of himself that are hidden. She'll bring out the best in him. Rather than criticize and make demands, the perfect partner will give unconditionally and fulfill his every need. This fantasy should not be discounted, as it fuels much of this man's inner life. When a woman understands this fantasy fully, she has a secret for helping the man really thrive.

2. THEY HEAR A CALL TO ADVENTURE

As soon as some men see a relationship as stifling his basic need for adventure, he can feel himself to be trapped in a prison without bars. Many men then blame the relationship for the dilemma he is in. They do not realize that their true need is to find adventure in the relationship. A woman who does best in this kind of relationship is one who provides challenge.

3. THEY SUFFER FROM A FEAR OF COMMITMENT.

The fear of commitment is widely misunderstood. Commitment is inevitable when a man is living from the truth of who he is. When a man, however, is in a relationship out of obligation, guilt, on or to fulfill a false sense of self-esteem, no real commitment is possible. If he's not committing, it's because he doesn't feel things are right for him.

4. THEY FEAR THAT THEY CAN'T SATISFY THE WOMAN

There are some women who can never be satisfied no matter how much a man gives or tries to please. Some men become tied up in knots in these relationships and start to feel terrible about themselves. No matter how hard they try, they can't get the approval they are hungry for. Some just live for those rare moments when they are acknowledged and thanked.

5. HE’S ACTING OUT THE REPETITION COMPULSION

The Repetition Compulsion is the unconscious compulsion to repeat a painful situation or relationship over and over, in the hopes it will turn out differently this time. Usually each time is worse, brings more pain and disappointment. Even in the rare instances when the person gets what he wants, the original hunger does not subside. The only solution to this compulsion is to go back to the original trauma, face it fully and work it out.

6. HE'S INVOLVED WITH THE GHOST OF A PAST RELATIONSHIP

These Ghosts are memories, dreams and longings that linger from past relationships, which have been finished but are not over. A man can hold onto the memory of a former wife or lover and idealize her to such an extent, it prevents him from being available to anyone in the present. These memories can also become projected on the current relationship. These men must learn to say forgive the past, say good-bye, and develop the courage to love again. Here are some guidelines for all my dear sisters and brothers in Christ to help understand relationships better and behave in a way that is helpful for all.

FOR MY DEAR SISTERS IN CHRIST

A. Realize the turbulence a man goes through often has nothing to do with you - and cannot be avoided.

B. Give him space to discover himself, without guilt. His changes do not mean he does not love you. Allow him to be all that he is. Acceptance is love.

C. Get busy becoming all the person you can be too. There is nothing worse for a relationship than a man feeling you are clinging to him for your life.

FOR MY DEAR BROTHERS IN CHRIST
A. Restlessness and painful feelings come so you can understand yourself better. Don't blame them on the relationship. This is not a time to run away, but stay put and understands what is going on inside.

B. While you are unsettled and confused is not the best time to act. Choices made during this time are often ruled by feelings and needs from the past.

C. Make sure you help the woman realize what you are going through. Do not blame her for it. Be patient with her and yourself. - Understand that craving other women can become an addiction and escape from intimacy, bringing only more pain and repetition in its wake.

Beloved brothers and sisters, all this reminds me of a story of a young lady in Bible College who began dating a fellow. During their first month of dating, they decided to study the Bible together. With her plot well set, one night the young lady opened her Bible to Proverbs 18:22 and read, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” She then looked up, winked, and said to the young man, “Couldn’t you use a little favor from the Lord?” The young man, a Bible scholar, was quick with his reply from Proverbs 10:10—“He who winks the eye causes trouble.”

All jokes aside, I agree with you wholeheartedly but prophetically speaking, we must realize that dating doesn't train young people for marriage; it prepares them for divorce. Dating typically involves a series of short-term relationships. Even those who end up with a solid marriage often have to deal with a lot of painful emotional baggage from previous dating relationships.

A lot is said these days of abstaining from sex before marriage, but there is a great need for emotional abstinence as well. Courtship in the context of the family enables young people to get to know each other and yet still maintain their physical and emotional integrity.

ADD GOD TO IT
I beseech you my dear brothers and sisters in Christ simply and wholeheartedly add God to you relationships and He will bless it or guide you through it. And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken. There are advantages to cooperating with others when you add God to it. Life is designed for companionship, not isolation, for intimacy, not loneliness. Some people prefer isolation, thinking they cannot trust anyone. We are not here on earth to serve ourselves, however, but to serve God and others. Don’t isolate yourself and try to go it alone, add God to it. Seek companions; be a team member and add God to it.

We are wrapped up in Jesus by the threefold cord of the trinity that abides in us and us in them! Keep a piece cord in your Bible to remind you of the strength you have if you just God to it!

PS. Oh by the way, did I say, add God to it? Oh, yes I did. Amen!