I WAS THE ONE

I was the one.
I was the one who flogged Him.
I was the one who taunted Him.
I was the one who spit upon Him.
I was the one who tortured Him in unspeakable ways.
I was the one who put the crown of thorns upon His head.
I was the one who put His cross upon His back.
I was the one who laughed when He could not carry it.
I was the one who grabbed Him and slammed Him down on the ground over His cross.
I was the one who picked up the nails.
I was the one who picked up the hammer.
I was the one who drove the nails into His hands and feet.
I was the one who pushed Him upright upon the tree to die by suffocation.
I was the one who heard Him mumble I was forgiven.
I was the one who watched His mother and the other Mary weep.
I was the one who saw John cry.
I was the one who turned away and did not care.
I was the one who did not believe the stories about Him.
I was the one who pushed the spear into His side.
It was my job.
I was big and strong.
I knew how to use a hammer.
I was following orders.
After awhile they all look alike and act alike.
After awhile you get used to seeing the suffering.
After awhile you don't care anymore.
This one was different.
He said He forgave me because I did not know what I was doing.
I went home afterward.
Out of the hundreds I had done, this one bothered me.
He said He forgave me.
The earthquake shook the ground and shook me.
It got dark before it was supposed to get dark.
Someone outside said they killed the Messiah.

I was the one.
That night I could not sleep.
I walked outside that night.
I was upset because He said He forgave me.
I can still hear His voice.
I didn't look at Him.
You never want to look at them.
I kept hearing His voice saying He forgave me.
I couldn't get His voice out of my mind.
I was just doing my job.
The next day and the day after people were still in a stir about what I had done.
No one really knew who I was.
I was just a nameless and faceless person doing a job.

I was the one.
He said He forgave me.
I did not report to work for the next few days.
I kept hearing Him say He forgave me.
Five days later I heard people say He was alive.
People said He had come back from the dead.
No one comes back from the dead.
I am telling you, no one comes back from being dead.
But I saw Him.
He was alive.
When I saw Him I could see His scars.
I saw Him with my own eyes.
When I saw Him I looked at Him.
He looked at me.
He looked at me and said He loved me.
He said He forgave me.
Then I realized what I had done.
My heart broke.
My soul broke.
My mind broke.
My life was in tatters.

I was the one.
I fell to the ground.
I wished I could die.
Then He reached down and He touched me.
He said He loved me.
He forgave me.
I was the one…and so were you.